@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
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@DukEB51: My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
@MomOfTeen: Rating all the Nancy Drew books I've read on Goodreads so it looks like I'm smart or something.
@kelkulus: I like how Subway sells "healthy footlong" sandwiches, as if anything is healthy when you're eating it by the foot.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.