@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
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@irememberfallin: My phone number is one digit off from a local restaurant's. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll take reservations.
@flashember: GHOST (rattling cupboards): OOo oooOooOoo *family screams* SECOND GHOST (screwing and unscrewing a lightbulb): what the hell are we doing Frank. they're good people
@Smooheed: Showing that you can fit your fist in your mouth on the first date is only sexy if you can get it back out afterwards