@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
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@MythicPicnic: A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I'm still eating
@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE] Him: "I love science-fiction." Me, trying to impress him: "I think the earth is flat."
@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"
@HFromTheNam: Husband:-"So when you starting back at the gym"? Me:-"Why"? H:-"Because you need to" His funeral takes place next week.