@CakeLikeBeth: Don't ask me how I managed to take this because I'm not entirely sure
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
@TheTrueDocLove: I'm bored I think I'll go to the mall, find a really good parking spot and sit there with my reverse lights on.
@mattsurely: When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage
@iscoff: if you eat one piece of bread shortly after you're born and another piece right before you die, all food is a sandwich