@CakeLikeBeth: Don't ask me how I managed to take this because I'm not entirely sure
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@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Tony is coming round" Me: "Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?" Tony: "I'm here for the money." *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*
@davidkenny100: Pal: On your date, go to a French restaurant. And remember! Girls love a wine connoisseur. Later... Me: we'll both have the wine connoisseur
@ObviousOstrich: If every person in the world held hands around the equator a significant portion of them would drown.
@Book_Krazy: [Spelling bee] Your word is Monogamous. M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S *2 Judges stare at each other* 1st judge *nods* 2nd judge: "We'll allow it"