@WilliamAder: Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@weinerdog4life: I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
@SnizzleFrizzle: Dude on tv just said, "Where there's fat, there's flavor." He was talking about food, but I took it as a compliment.
@Masquerage: I forgot my phone so I asked this guy what time it was. He said "time to get a watch" & laughed. So I kicked him in the balls. It was 6:30.
@stuckinaportal: [mastercard commercial] "there are some things that money can't buy" politician: i don't get it