@jordan_stratton: Don't be a doormat for people to walk all over. Be a FAKE doormat over a trapdoor that leads to a secret pit of cobras.
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@ClichedOut: my grandpa: this pizza has no toppings me: close the box, turn it over, and open it again my grandpa: well i'll be damned
@jergarl: 8: Daddy can we go to a haunted house tonight? Me: You spent the night at Grandmas last week. 8: What? Me: Nothing. 8: I'm telling mom.
@KalvinMacleod: Wile E Coyote: I can't get rid of this headache *TNT explodes* *anvil drops on his head* *bus flattens him* Dr: it's probably stress-related
@jimmytorosian: [Robbery] Sloth Man: I'll use my powers to make the criminals fall asleep. *Runs to bank* *Reaches bank 18 hrs later* SM: How'd they escape?