@KentWGraham: Don’t be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I’m walking the dog.
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@hammbone84: [On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye.
@ninjadinosaur1: I dropped my popcicle in the tub. I'm awfully sad. It was banana. Now it just tastes like bubble bath.
@underfleeker: [LUNCH INTERVIEW] "Our office attire is formal, is that ok?" *I adjust my tie and the little tie on my corndog* Sure.