@charliedelta7: Don't be offended if I speak to you condescendingly. Be happy that I care enough to be sure your simple mind understands what I'm saying.
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@jonnysun: BARBER: what'll it be ME: can u make me feel extremeley self-conscious for 45 minutes BARBER: u got it
@ShutUpThatsWho: [Budapest airport] IMMIGRATION: So what is your purpose for visiting Hungary? ME: [holding huge bag of marbles] I wanna see the hippoes.
@flukyness: I just cut my hand on a box of band aids if you were wondering how I'm doing at life