@jonnysun: dont be sad, girl. u are like a iceberg.. 90% of ur beauty is below the surface. now 95%. now 100% OMG GIRL ARE YOU DROWNIMG
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@iinkedZombie: My son asked me what it's like to be a parent so I woke him up at 3 a.m. to let him know that I couldn't sleep.
@seamusmckracken: Make sure your first place together is on the ground floor, so when she throws your stuff out the window, it won’t break.
@dogboner: in the rental car today and my son said it was like we were in a "rocket ship" how many rocket ships have you been in. That's what I thought
@withanewname: [shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?