@simoncholland: Don't believe anything a weatherman says until he takes off the jacket and rolls up the sleeves.
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@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.
@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Dance like nobody's watching. Do the dishes like nobody's watching. Change into that robe like nobody's watching. No, the other one.
@farleftcoast: Text from husband: Where are you at? Me: Before I tell you let's talk about ending sentences with prepositions.