@KentWGraham: Don’t believe cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, it won’t actually stick to someone’s face.
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@david8hughes: [sees ghost in my room] Ghost: don't be scared Me: I'm not Ghost [points to wet patch]: you're a little scared Me [nervously]: oh no a ghost
@whereami18: My kids decided to move a piece of furniture to a random spot, I wonder how much it will cost to fix whatever they're covering up
@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’