@KentWGraham: Don’t believe cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, it won’t actually stick to someone’s face.
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@weinerdog4life: Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me.
@Taryn_: That awkward moment when someone is cooking fish in the office and all the girls begin sniffing themselves.
@shutupmikeginn: There was a pretty girl in the produce section so to impress her I bought a mango
@TEXASVETERAN: I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.