@LeonEarlgrey: Don't bite the hand that feeds you, But don't bite any other hands either because that is how diseases are spread.
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@AndrewNadeau0: HIM: I’m sorry I spilled my drink, I ruined your jacket. FIRST GUY TO WEAR A REVERSIBLE JACKET: *Trying very hard to contain excitement* Actually, you didn’t.
@_davidlucas_: *Answers door naked* Jehovah's Witnesses... 😲 Me: Do you have a moment to let me tell you about my sex life? Here, have this pamphlet.