@BatBatshitcrazy: Don't bite the hand that feeds you, unless of course, they're feeding you kale.
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@shondarhimes: Calling Sony comments"racially insensitive remarks" instead of "racist"? U can put a cherry on a pile of sh*t but it don't make it a sundae.
@frankzulla: "Well maybe they shouldn't make soap out of animal fat if they didn't want people to eat it!" I yell from the emergency room, mouth foaming
@Smug_Lemur: Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles.
@murrman5: [parent/teacher meeting] "you must've read to him as a baby" *leans forward in little desk* lady, I didn't even know him when I was a baby