@scottthetwat: Don't blame me for acting like a baby, I was born that way.
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@RalstonReports: Good news, everyone. I was robbed last night. But I confronted the robber and he agreed to set up a joint robbery task force with me.
@WheelTod: *Calling from the bakery Me: "Honey, can I get you something: a muffin, eclair, a cupcake?" Her: "Surprise me!" Me: "I think I'm gay"