@TomTheWicked: Don't blame me. You're the one following a 32 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
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@Masquerage: I forgot my phone so I asked this guy what time it was. He said "time to get a watch" & laughed. So I kicked him in the balls. It was 6:30.
@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel
@MsLighthouseCat: Texans can't comprehend vegans. We just think their barbeque grills are broken.