@weinerdog4life: Don't buy a belt at the zoo, it's just a snake trying to escape.
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@kellymcc0y: When someone spaces out their "ha ha ha's" in a text I read it in Count Dracula's voice
@thejessigirl45: Does anyone else bring a bag of clever disguises to the grocery store in case there's a wine sampling booth that day?
@stockejock: WHAT DO WE WANT AMERICA? ROCK HARD ABS!!! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? RIGHT AFTER WE FINISH THIS BOX OF DOUGHNUTS!!!
@ericspeaksout: Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room.