@weinerdog4life: Don't buy a belt at the zoo, it's just a snake trying to escape.
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@SteveSuckington: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? B: What? You aren't doing anything M: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?
@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
@MsSouthernStems: The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.