@weinerdog4life: Don't buy a belt at the zoo, it's just a snake trying to escape.
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@thestlouisan: [Texting] WIFE: Will you get coffee and a bagel for 6? ME: He's too young for coffee W: Coffee's for me M: Where's the comma? W: M: Hello?
@flashember: PROPHET DANIEL: Behold! the fourth beast had ten eyes and ten horns. Even the horns had eyes KING BELSHAZZAR: do you even hear yourself Dan
@batkaren: How was I supposed to know unleashing 342 cats in a club would turn to bone-chilling horror the instant the disco balls started up?