@CovertAgentP: Don't buy drinks from children on the side of the road. The money never really goes to aid for lemons.
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@KarateDonuts: McDonald's is now selling the Big MacGyver. Just a slab of meat a paper clip and some foil with a note that says "You figure it out."
@michaeljhudson: *dog runs for president* *is asked race sensitive question "The thing is, I don't see color" *crowd goes wild*
@LuckoftheDraw86: Vodka giveth and vodka taketh away... It giveth me a hangover and taketh away my underpants. Amen.
@KeetPotato: [sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? "i ate my banana"