@CovertAgentP: Don't buy drinks from children on the side of the road. The money never really goes to aid for lemons.
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@Hormonella: SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! CAT! SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! MAILMAN! SQUIRREL! ~ Dog Acing Rorschach Test
@dshack8: Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize.
@davedittell: prayers by believers to a "Sweet Jesus" imply additional deities: Sour Jesus, Salty Jesus, Umami Jesus and, most frighteningly, Bitter Jesus
@david8hughes: [cops knock on my door] "Sir?" "Nobody's home." "Who said that then?" "My dog." "Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"