@Bob_Heller: Don't call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet.
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@fillthevacuum: *died in your arms tonight* *stuffed in your trunk tomorrow* *buried in the woods the day after that*
@Sassafrantz: [text] "Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. "Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"
@Contwixt: Atheists don't seem to recognize church is worth it for the bake sales alone. God, or no god, those are good Brownies.
@krissywillbretz: Searched my teens room for drugs, was told "you don't give me enough money for drugs." I don't know whether to be proud or up his allowance.