@Bob_Heller: Don't call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet.
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@cm_rutvik: Jeff: i'm pro gun. Me: i'm anti gun. Greg: i'm vegan. Me: i'm pro gun, now. Jeff, give me your gun.
@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
@Lisa_Laughs_: He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I'll ask again when he wakes up.
@MelvinofYork: My wife says "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you" when 1. she's not talking, she's yelling, and 2. I'm not walking away, I'm retreating