@myonlymizztake: Don't cry because it's over, smile because they'll never find the body.
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?
@AngryRaccoon2: If you keep your curtains open at night, please know I WILL slow down as I drive by to critique your decorating and see what you're watching.
@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
@julietactually: him: what are u wearing me: overalls him: do u want to slip into something more comfortable me: more comfortable than overalls? wtf