“What should we call the big finger?”
“‘Thumb’ seems as good as any.”
“Impressive. What about this smallest one?”
“PINKY!”
“………….”
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No one:
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My kid didn’t like how his stuffed animal was behaving, so he renamed him Not-Listening-Ostrich, and I’m just over here wondering how to update some birth certificates
If I had ten cookies and you took one,what would you have?
That’s correct.
A black eye and broken hand.
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Me: Thank you.
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Me: That’s nice, thanks.
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Me:
Him: I’m just trying to help you. Change is good.
Me: Check please!
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How to end an interview:
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2. Shake their hand firmly.
3. Firmer.
4. Firmer yet.
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your loss, our gain
I said “I’m not going to repeat myself”
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*texts her before meal is over*
“Napkins????”
Whenever I see Chris Hemsworth in a movie I just assume it’s a Thor sequel I never got around to seeing
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