@myonlymizztake: Don't cry because it's over, smile because they'll never find the body.
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@TheBigBatman: I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately.
@jimmytorosian: Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*
@philyuck: COP: Did the suspect have a birthmark? MARK: He's alive so I'm assuming he had a birth, yes.