@imdaintyaf: Don't date a man expecting to change him. At the end of the day he'll still be a man, and you'll have wasted your black candles and a goat.
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@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: MOMMA DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER GET A 6-PACK OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA BE FAT Me: *slowly shreds Pokémon cards w/out breaking eye contact*
@TheToddWilliams: [house party] ME: Hey, can I get you a glass of wine?...a beer?...vodka? HER: Do you have anything nonalcoholic? ME: Uh...do you mean like a joint?
@Spaziotwat: [On The Cross] Jesus:"Father, forgive them, fore they know no-" Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"