@GinRumMe: (Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.)
Text: Hey what are you up to?
"I'm just laying in bed thinking about you."
This is your mom.
"New phone who dis?"
Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me.
@NikatNiteNite: Just once I'd like someone to call me "ma'am" without having to add "you need to calm down or we're going to have to ask you to leave"
@Underchilde: Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@seanyeatts: Kanye West at the Sistine Chapel, amazed that it was painted by a Ninja Turtle.