@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't drink and drive, also don't call frozen yogurt "fro yo."
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@NATxHAN: Me: Santa, why are women so scary? Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me.
@BigHeb7: I've been saying I'll sleep when I'm dead for so long, I'm starting to really look forward to dying.
@QwertyJones3: A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
@JessObsess: ME: *does something stupid* I hope no one saw me do that ALSO ME: *texting all my friends* Listen to what I just did