@jimmytorosian: Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be "the dirty guy" and no one will have sex with you
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@scorpicpanda: Me: "OMG, my abs are so sore!" 12: (sarcastically) "What abs?" Me: "The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."
@Reverend_Scott: Robin: "Let me drive the Batmobile!" Batman: "Never. I'd rather let Superman." *wall breaks down* Superman: "OMG really??" Batman: "No."
@daemonic3: [on date] HER: I once broke up with a guy for saying "I could care less" ME: Haha that idiot [nervous] of course it's "I could care fewer"