@jimmytorosian: Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be "the dirty guy" and no one will have sex with you
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@Jack_Wagon1: "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?"
@jjhartinger: This new generation doesn't knock they just text to say they're outside, so I text back to say we're inside. Two can play.
@HatfieldAnne: Accidentally got melted butter on some fried chicken and this is my delicious origin story.
@Parentpains: Sometimes you just need to reach out and touch someone. With a shovel. On the side of the head.