@BackrowSeats: Don't dwell on bad things that happened in your past. Focus on the terrible things that'll happen tomorrow.
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@MrsGoose69: Hubby: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?" Wife: "I don't want to bother you while you are at work."
@drxubair: Sometimes things are not what they appear. Just because I am sitting with an open book doesn't mean that I am studying.
@RandomAntics: When I'm empty-handed my dog doesn't know what the word 'sit' means, but if I have a treat she can perform neurosurgery.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I share an office thermostat with a middle aged woman. I'm in a t-shirt while she's rubbing 2 pencils together trying to start a trash fire