@jesus: Don't eat my chocolate. I'll be back Monday.
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@TheMichaelRock: Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Girl from Willy Wonka turns into a blueberry] Wonka: Call in The Blue Man Group! [Blue Man Group rolls her out while singing Eiffle 65]
@PaulGibson1963: Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on "too many kids" & "making it look accidental." Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day.