@buck4itt: Don't email me a link to a 6 minute youtube video. I wouldn't watch a video that long if in contained clues to solve my own murder.
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@thestlouisan: [Texting] WIFE: Will you get coffee and a bagel for 6? ME: He's too young for coffee W: Coffee's for me M: Where's the comma? W: M: Hello?
@MichaelGoffLA: Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.
@steveolivas: 12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary.
@iamfase: The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.