@weinerdog4life: Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart.
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@causticbob: Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
@matt___nelson: Hate your job as a calendar maker?Need a way to get fired? Easy. ( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Just take a day off
@abbycohenwl: Friend: Are you growing your hair out? Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long
@FancyNancyAnn: I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.