@CantWaitToNap: Don't expect a "bless you" after you sprayed me down with your sneeze.
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@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.
@TheChalls: Hey Joe, don't think we can use this ad. Why not? We're roofers. Yes, but "Hot shingles in your area looking to get nailed" seems extreme.
@KeetPotato: doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas" me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]
@shopkins776: Gf: "You want to know what your problem is?" Me: *looks at watch* "Ok, but our dinner reservation is in six hours"