@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.
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@Timmsmiff: "sir we don't hire people to be mannequins" Me:*strikes mannequin pose* "No, sir we don-" M:*new pose* [under breath] "damn this guys good"
@theevilwriter: I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn't do what I wanted.
@tjcirimele: *cat lays on my leg* *I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave* *I move half an inch* *cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*
@Blondiethegood: There is no panic like the panic you feel when you think you may have clogged the toilet at someone else's house.