@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.
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@McNevich: If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper
@Ygrene: Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this Me (being stabbed w/swords): I'm so sorry for getting blood on your swords
@globetrottgirl: It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf.