@thatUPSdude: Don't forget to check your kid's candy. Found a toothbrush in my nephew's Halloween candy last year. Real psychos out there.
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@vineyille: My self driving car crashes into the amazon go store, aisle after aisle of destroyed canned goods are automatically added to my order
@AntozWolf: I got really excited when she talked about a motorboat date, but as it turns out, she just wanted to take a ride on the lake. *sigh*
@Illiter8: What possible bit about trying to buy a large number of ice cream containers and two boxes of tampons says I want to chat you up, douchebag?
@candace_9871: Boss approaches, I frantically close my google image search of cats hugging, only to show a new window of cats in formal wear. I get fired.