@sixfootcandy: Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already. Me: Wow that's a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time.
@SuperRandomish: Autocorrect changed "baby rattle" to "baby battle" and now I'm googling where to buy tiny weapons.
@joejwest: [roulette] ME: [slaps table] 50 on red CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more