@Pirate_nurse: Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not
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@therealeatwood: [Biker gang] ME: Do we or do we not ride our bikes at the same speed? BIKER: OK, but you need to stop saying we “synchronize our cycles.”
@SouthendNewsNet: Let’s hear it for the staff in this branch of Maplin, still able to crack funnies ahead of their store’s impending closure ...
@MariyaAlexander: My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy