@Pirate_nurse: Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not
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@hythemafia: Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your shit in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
@squirrel74wkgn: [dinner w/friends] "How long you two been married?" It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.