@Pirate_nurse: Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jokeymcjokeface: If your name is Ella and you haven't opened a seafood restaurant called Salmonella's, what are you doing with your life?
@YourDailyGroan: I believe in workplace drug testing. That's why I slipped Ambien and Ex-Lax into my boss' coffee. Let's test which one works faster.
@imence2: "I'm sure if I show my gf my Twitter, she'll understand it's just for fun." Said a bunch of now single guys.