@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@slaughthie: I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said "day before Valentine's Day" like I'm some genius who knows when Valentine's Day is.
@ElleOhHell: He's GUILTY! KILL HIM! Inject poison DIRECTLY INTO HIS VEINS! But first give him whatever he wants to eat; we're not savages.
@flashember: SON: Is it true trees kill more people than wild animals do? [tree hiding in broom closet tenses up] DAD: Nonsense. [tree sighs in relief]