@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [laying on the hood of a car, gazing at the stars] I bet zebras make piano sounds when you pet them.
@RexHuppke: BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you're old enough to leave North Dakota
@generaldietz: NEMESIS: i hate you ME: i hate me too. and the enemy of my enemy is my friend NEMESIS: so can you stay the night? ME: i'll ask my mom