@FSUSteve: My mom just replied to my text with "K." Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?

@UnicornSyrup: My boyfriend wanted a serious relationship so we stopped smiling at each other.

@mattsurely: "I got you this for Valentine's Day." [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] "I think we should see other people."

@TheDeadfishSays: The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.

@HeatherAntos: Trump getting elected after Obama was not what they meant by Orange is the New Black