@KKBowls: Don't hand out condoms to high school students. Take away their deodorant and toothbrush. That'll cut down teen pregnancy
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@Marcmywords2: Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy on my pants to give me an excuse to leave early. The real trick is sneaking the gravy into church.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: People are coming over tomorrow Me: We should clean today Wife: And keep the house clean for 24 hours? Me: We should clean tomorrow