@andylassner: Don't hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
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@suzieQ0007: My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands.
@ShawnHatosy: If honey is supposed to be so great for your voice, why does it sound like Winnie the Pooh has been shotgunning bleach?
@WilliamAder: First in my neighborhood to cut the grass and now the other husbands are looking at me like I reminded the teacher to assign homework.
@kashanacauley: What we've learned from this skittles incident is that we should all stop eating refugees.