@andylassner: Don't hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
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@weinerdog4life: Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.
@AnniemuMary: Walked past our fish bowl and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic Park. Now I feel both insulted and all powerful.
@iwearaonesie: wife *buying dinosaur balloons* clerk: Is it someone's birthday? *smiles at toddler* wife: It is clerk: How old? wife: 35