@Neauxpe: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you were the only car in the lot and I parked so close you couldn't open your door.
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@RoosterMustache: [having sex] ME: oh yeah do you like that HER: faster! ME: *like an auctioneer* doyoulikethat-isee$5foryes-$5foryes-doisee$10-$10foryes
@Kali_Mura: Me: Dark Lord, I am your devoted servant. Please accept this sacrifice as proof of my -- Satan: I have a girlfriend.
@economybacon: Man, my car is so fast, it could outrun a man combined with a horse "You mean Centaur, right?" Ohhh somebody went to college ooohh
@NicestHippo: If you think you're bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone