@Brentweets: Don't have a "Garage sale" if I can't buy your garage idiot.
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@longwall26: If a deadly alligator appears in the instant after you tell your friends you'll see them later there is literally no way to warn them
@SteveKoehler22: Our credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it .... The thief is spending less than my wife did.
@Gwinifer: Life with me is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to get the crazy one filled with arsenic.
@PopeFrancisXXX: If Mary gave birth to Jesus & Jesus is the lamb of God, then did Mary have a little lamb?