@Steelers1972: Don't have your phone number posted on FB if you don't want me calling you at 3am drunk asking for the recipe of that cobbler you posted.
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@catlikethiefx0: The 1st rule of Female Fight Club is: You didn't hear this from me! Seriously do NOT tell anyone I told you, I promised I wouldn't tell.
@TheToddWilliams: [deathbed] ME: Dear? WIFE: I'm here...don't worry, all your affairs are in order ME: You found out about my affairs? WIFE: What? ME: What?
@warmyellowlight: some days I'm all [sound of a fluffy cloud violently smashing into a mountain] other days I'm [sound of crocodiles gently eating a mitten]
@kumailn: "Give your email a good password. Letters, symbols, numbers." "What about my atm card which holds all my money?" "Any 4 numbers in a row."