@Tups13: Don't hesitate when you come to a fork in the road. Be bold. Pick that fork up and take it home. Free cutlery!
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@primawesome: A lady just walked into Taco Bell, dumped every hot sauce packet in her bag and left. I should follow her. What's the rest of her day like?
@AndyAsAdjective: [at oceanside seafood restaurant] Me: Is the fish fresh here? Waiter: Yes *from the kitchen, a fish blows me a kiss & waves seductively*
@BoogTweets: *Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!