@twylaredsun: Don't insult me by looking into my eyes. This bra cost me $65.
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@AaronEves: "Who am I talking to, Ouija Board™?" *S-A-T-A-N* "Satan, do any boys in my class like me?"
@edgarrants: My wife used to make meals that would make Martha Stewart jealous. Then she joined Twitter... Now I'm lucky if she buys cereal.
@amydillon: Married foreplay is just five minutes of confusion about whether your spouse is using a suggestive euphemism or asking you to do a chore.