@SCbchbum: "Don't kill it!" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it.
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@Tups13: "Of course you can trust me. Look, I'll prove it. Close your eyes and fall backwards. I'll catch you." *Bing! Twitter notification!* Thud.
@shkeeber: Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could've just gone outside and saved yourself $50.