@Scorpio1080: Don't let people push you around. Unless it's in a wagon, because that shit is fun!
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@ChrisRRegan: Oh, elderly neighbor: You defeated Hitler, yet you somehow can't figure out the car alarm?
@ShutUpThatsWho: [Budapest airport] IMMIGRATION: So what is your purpose for visiting Hungary? ME: [holding huge bag of marbles] I wanna see the hippoes.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer "all sales are vinyl" until I was fired. It would be worth it.