@WilliamRodgers: Don't let that "Metalica" t-shirt fool you. She knows every word to Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball"
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@RandomManik: Everything brightened up when you came into our presence. - Food in my refrigerator.
@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH
@markleggett: A bird in the hand is worth nothing and is probably giving you duck AIDS. Put it back.