@PinkCamoTO: I feel like people who end up on Dateline for committing murder don't watch enough Dateline to plan their crimes accordingly.

@jjmick45: I want to be the guy in a rap song that justs says YEA

@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Tony is coming round" Me: "Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?" Tony: "I'm here for the money." *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*

@ASmallFiction: "I challenge you to a duel!" "Very well. The weapon?" "Compliments." "A capital choice." "Thank you, I- oh! I see you've dueled before!"

@whatmaddness: I'm trying to explain to my mother how to get pictures off her phone, while we're on the phone, and everything is awful.