@TedBundybitch: Don't mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Underchilde: Got a cease and desist letter that says I can’t wear my hard hat around town until I learn how to wolf whistle.
@Cool_Jesse: That's the last time I follow some dude into the woods just because he tells me he's a wizard.
@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.