@SlayerSays: Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable.
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@GrillinChillin9: Smiles from ear to ear. Wife: what are you smiling about? Our dog just took a giant dump in our neighbors yard Wife: God I love that dog.
@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me
@WilliamAder: I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
@ScottLinnen: Your "COEXIST" sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace.