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@RyansGooch: Don't move, I know what I'm doing.
*takes a nap
@Reverend_Scott: [hands mom flowers on Mother's day]
thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks
@SlabBaconBP: Could you Christian rock singers please invest in a thesaurus. I think God is fully aware by now that you think he is "great" and "awesome."
@therealeatwood: ME: Leave me alone! You’re not my real dad!
CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton.
@ThaJawn: *smashes bag of Oreos
*pours on top of salad
@liv_thatsme: Rice cakes have only 50 calories. But packing peanuts have 0 calories & they taste exactly the same.