@Chelsea_Elle: Don't pay your taxes. Get sent to a cool ass prison. Boom, now taxes pay you. Life hack.
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@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
@jordan_stratton: I wonder what song the Little Mermaid was singing when she viciously ripped a clam in half to make a bikini top?
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Getting asked this question somewhere else