@Chelsea_Elle: Don't pay your taxes. Get sent to a cool ass prison. Boom, now taxes pay you. Life hack.
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@CerebralWreck: Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!
@hgracestewart: It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius.
@Terdoh: Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their wealth, Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.
@_Ms_Moneypenny_: The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting.