@josh___grant: Don't people with bumper stickers realize it takes a t-shirt to change a person's deeply held beliefs?
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@KeetPotato: [ordering cake over phone] "and what would you like the cake to say?" [covers phone to ask wife] "do we want a talking cake?"
@cloudypianos: me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England] man: 31? what are u my grandma?
@BillFienberg: Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Me: I want a gf thats not crazy. Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon.
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM