@yenniwhite: "Don't play with your food," I say to a toddler eating crackers shaped like farm animals.
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@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
@sixfootcandy: Him: No more coffee for you. Me: "Why? I'm fine," I say while detailing the neighbor's car.
@Elizasoul80: Turn your trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking.
@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.