@shutupmikeginn: "Dont put all your eggs in one basket," is a lie perpetuated by Big Basket to sell more baskets
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@ocourtneyno: When you accidentally type "me" instead of "my" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun.
@lil_dead_girl_: I compulsively open my refrigerator in hopes that the portal to the other world has opened up. It hasn't so I had some cheese.
@Home_Halfway: WINNIE THE POOH: There's a rumbly in my tumbly ME: Use regular words you half naked glutton
@Robinbuble: Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I'm tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.