@shutupmikeginn: "Dont put all your eggs in one basket," is a lie perpetuated by Big Basket to sell more baskets
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@_NinJar: I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket
@FuckabillyRex: *during sex Her: This feels weird, is it a water bed? Me: Nope. Way better. *pulls back sheet to reveal hundreds of meatball subs
@jjhartinger: I'm curious about the first person who saw an egg drop out of a chicken & said, "I'm going to eat that."
@Gooooats: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Also, this is America so they all have guns.